sacrifice.

Last night, we read a devotion entitled, "Sacrifice: Climb Onto the Altar" in the LiveDead Journal. [If you have never read LD, you should really check it out.] In this particular challenge, the writer makes the point that Abraham was not the only one who had to make a sacrifice. Isaac willingly got on the altar, in obedience to his father, who was acting out of obedience to the Father. "Isaac had to willingly lie on the altar and trust his father." This really struck a cord with me, as I sometimes feel like I am being sacrificed because of obedience to a call. Romans 12:1 says, "I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of [Him], to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to [Him], which is your [reasonable] worship." It is our duty, our responsibility, our worship, to be living sacrifices. To put to death our flesh, and to walk according to the Spirit in obedience.

Something that is often hard to express on a grand scale is the act of giving up that which is considered "normal" in our society. Before we picked up our newlywed life and moved it overseas, I struggled. Yes, I knew I was called to live my life overseas. Yes, I loved being in Asia. Yes, I had lived overseas two separate years of my life as a young, single woman (which wasn't easy). But this time, it was an even greater challenge to give up the comforts of "home". This time, it seemed as though I was giving up so much more than any time before. I was saying goodbye to the same city, the same fellowship, the same people (in fact, one less than I said goodbye to last time 😊), only this time, I was giving up my "normal" newlywed life, and everything that entailed.

When Bobby and I began our relationship, we knew that we would one day serve overseas. This wasn't a question for either of us because we were confident that the Father had brought us together, and that He had a plan for us in this calling as husband and wife. We were 7,000 miles apart throughout most of our dating relationship and engagement, so when I returned home, we got married and immediately decided to start the process of preparing to return to Asia. During those first few months, it seemed a daunting task, so we put off the process until after the new year, in order to get used to married life. Those early months were really difficult for me. I felt as though I was on a pendulum, swinging from feelings of excitement to despair when I thought about our future. On one hand, I was eager to see what the Father had in store for our future overseas. I would finally be able to serve alongside a lifelong partner, who could share the burdens and struggles of life in a new context. Still, on the other hand, I feared what giving up the early years of marriage in America would look like. Just how much would I be leaving behind? At the time, it felt like everything.

Everyone else who was newly married or soon-to-be married seemed to be in the process of buying houses, trading their cars in for newer ones, working towards promotions, or planning out when and how they wanted to start having kids. But us...we were living in the ghetto (getting robbed), using hand-me-down furniture, putting off getting internet at our apartment for as long as possible, working, and preparing to leave all of our new household items behind to move to a third world country. Trying to explain that to most couples our age made me feel like I had lost my mind.

Talk about feeling AB-normal!

Then the questions came.

Don't you want to settle down first- or wait until you have kids? 

Wouldn't you rather go somewhere closer? 

Or, as we were ending our lease, So... Are you buying a house?!? 

No. No. No.

No, I don't want to settle down. Well, sometimes, I do...but I know I will never be able to dig out those roots of comfort later. The time is now. We love kids, and want lots of them. People have babies overseas, every single day, and raise those babies overseas. We can too! :)

No, I would rather not go, than to go anywhere outside of His will. When you are called to a specific place, to do a specific task, there is no where else that you can go and feel at ease!

And no, we aren't buying a house. We will likely never own a house. Sometimes it feels like we're missing out, but deep down, I really don't think we are.

While I know these questions are asked out of kindness and concern, it still does not change the fact that it makes me feel as though what we are doing is less than what everyone else is doing with their lives. To see people buying beautiful homes, nice clothes, and amazing household items...that's the stuff of dreams to me. I love shopping. I love decorating. I love new things. But, I have decided that, even some of the greatest things that my wonderful home country has to offer, are not going to hold me back from this dream that has been placed in my heart by the Giver of dreams. My assignment is to go, reach, and win for His sake. And I believe, "It's gonna be worth it all"! Because, in the end, what is done for eternity is all that will matter.

I say all of this, not to make others feel like their sacrifice means less to the Father, or to make others feel as though they aren't making an impact where they are! In fact, I feel the opposite. If you know you are called to be where you are at, then I rejoice with you! Just as so many people have rejoiced with us in this process! I believe sacrifice comes in many different forms. It could mean that you put your life on the line to save others' lives, that you are successful in your job for the purpose of sending others out, that you are leading a flock of believers who will go to places that you could never get to, that you are interceding for your neighbors, or that you are making a difference in the lives of your coworkers. Whatever your sacrifice is, let it be pleasing to the One who has called you out of darkness and into His marvelous light...in order that you might shed light in the midst of darkness. And let us not compare our sacrifices to those around us. We each play a part in this great plan, and each of us are gifted and skilled to do a specific task.

To quote LD in their challenge: "How have you defined sacrifice? Is it always suffering physical death or cultural distance from your family? Where are you getting your love, your respect, your acceptance? Are you willing to give those things to the Master? What is easy for you may be a sacrifice for another. Are you measuring your sacrifice by what is hard for someone else? Are you willing to be the sacrifice (as opposed to making it)?"